Just Ask Ongakusama!
by BigMouth12349
Summary: In a fit of boredom, Rin creates an online advice column.  What could go wrong?  LenxRin twincest, probably some other pairings, MAYBE yaoi and yuri.  Rated T for swearing.  Feel free to leave a review asking Rin for advice !  Rated T for swearing.
1. It begins

**So, I was working on the next chapter of "Eternity" while working on a one-act play for creative writing based off of Kokoro (don't sue me, Toraboruta_P!), and I thought to myself, 'Geez, this is way too depressing.' So, I, in my infinate wisdom, decided to create ANOTHER story. Despite the fact that I should be working on one of my collabs, OR even my poor, neglected Elysion story. I apologize to anyone who is waiting on me, and hope you don't hate me too bad! So, here's the start of my newest story, "Just Ask Ongaku-sama!"**

"I. Am. So. Flipping. _Boooooooored_!"

The only answer I got was my own voice echoing back to me. Damn, is this what being home alone felt like? It sucked! No wonder Len anways complained whenever I went out shopping with Miku or something!

Okay, I'm just kidding. Len never complained. He was too nice for that. Bastard.

"Dammit. Dammit. Dammit." Yeah, I know cursing got me nowhere, but hey! It gave me something to do, at least. "Stupid mom, having to work all the time. Stupid Miku, too busy to hang out. Stupid Len, out with friends." Notice that dad was not included on my list of morons. That's because he's out of the picture. I don't like talking about it, got it? So don't ask.

"I can't believe I'm stuck at home, _alone_, on a Friday night!" What with all of my friends being busy, I was completely bored. I had _planned_ on spending the day with Len, but nooo, he already _had _plans to go out to the movies with Kaito and some other friends! After I made those special plans for him!

Okay. Maybe I didn't exactly tell him about these plans. But he was my _twin_, and my best friend! He should totally make time for me, right? _Right?_

"Right. This is all shota-kun's fault." I flopped onto the bed I shared with Len, looking at the empty space that should have been occupied by him. For all of you perverts in the back, the ones going 'ZOMG TWINCEST,' let me straighten you out right now. Len and I are not together, nor have we ever been. You sick, sick people. Why would you think either of us would want that? We're twins, okay? That is totally, completely wrong...

But you are totally, completely right. I want it. Shut up, it's not my fault that he's, like, perfect!

Anyways, I'm totally losing track of the story. Gah, I even switched tenses! How the hell am I going to become a famous writer if I keep doing crap like this? Okay, anyways...

I sat in bed for a few minutes, resisting the urge to slam my head against the wall or something. Eventually, I went into the kitchen and got an orange. I hadn't done anything but eat since Len left, but whatever, there was nothing better to do! Peeling the orange, I plopped down infront of the computer, typing in my favorite web adress: . It was this new website, and it was filled with blogs for anyone and anything. You got the witty people who resored your hope in humanity, along with the retards who killed it.

I really, really wanted to write a blog. But whining about my life would be boring, right? I wanted to do something special with mine, but I didn't know what. A poet? Nah, no one would read that. I needed something... interactive... Something that I could...

"Ah!" I nearly dropped my orange when I thought of it. I had a sudden thought about the advice columnist on the school newspaper. It was called "Dear Whisper-sama," except everyone knew that "Whisper-sama" was really just Neru. How the hell that stupid bitch got on an advice column, I'd never know. I mean, this is how one of her columns went.

_"Dear Whisper-sama,_

_My boyfriend broke up with me last month. Since then, I cry constantly and I'm really depressed. What should I do?_

_From,  
>Upset<em>

_Dear Upset,_

_Punch him and move on. Quit whining._

_From,  
>Whisper-sama"<em>

I am not even fricking exaggerating. Anyways, Yamaha High needed a new advice columnist, and I was just the girl to do it. I mean, my advice was totally awesome, right? Right.

Making an account wasn't difficult, until it came to choosing a username. What should it be? Orenji-sama? No, too many people knew about my orange obsession. I needed something... AHA! If I did something related to music, no one would know it was me! My school was filled with music nerds. In fact, we were a special school made to train the world's next big stars. And we still had to do Algebra. What a load of shit.

Quickly, I typed "Ongaku-sama" into the username box, and soon I was ready to type up my very first post.

* * *

><p><em>Hey. You're all probably looking at this, wondering who the hell I am. Well, tough. I'm not telling you. I mean, come on. You could be some 60-year-old pervert for all I know! Do you think I'm just gonna tell you my name and school and all that? Psh, think again.<em>

_You may adress me as Ongaku-sama. Why "sama," you ask? BECAUSE I AM YOUR SUPERIOR. DEAL WITH IT. I'm an average high school student, with-Fuck, that's boring. I mean, who wants to read a blog about some average high school girl? Sick perverts who get off on that stuff, that's who. If you are one of those, then go away. Now._

_Anyways. I guess on the surface, I AM a normal high school girl. However, that's far from true. You might notice that I'm using proper spelling and punctuation (or, at least, I hope I am; my internet doesn't have spell check). This does not contain 1337, or any txt tlk. This should make me stand out from the crowd. The other reason that I'm different is that I'm NOT here for me. I'm here for you._

_That's right, I'm your own personal online advice columnist. Send me a message (you don't need to have an account to do that), and check back on this blog for the answers. I might occasionally rant or whatever, but this will mostly be an advice column. I'm checking this thing every morning, and I'll update whenever I have at least three messages._

_Adios,  
>Ongaku-sama<em>

* * *

><p>I smirked, looking at my handywork. Okay, it wasn't <em>Shakespere<em> or anything, but I thought it was pretty good. Afterwords, I sent a quick e-mail to all of my friends (cryptonblogs had this fancy emailing system). In a flash of inspiration, I sent it to myself. Now no one would suspect me.

_To: tehnumbah1diva, icecreamisawesome, lukalukanightfever, kasaneterritory4eva, bananaboy, illdriveyouflat, and 27 others_

_From: ongakusama_

_You might be wondering who I am. Don't worry, I'm a friend. Check out my blog at ._

Suddenly, I heard the door slam. "Rin? I'm home!" Quickly, I hit send and shut off the computer. Len walked in. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing!" There was no way Len could find out what I was doing! That would ruin all the fun!

Len looked at me suspiciously. "... Were you reading yaoi fanfiction again?"

"W-What? No!" Oh, come on! It was _one_ time...

Len smirked. "Whatever. I'm gonna go make dinner." He walked out of our room. I smacked my head on the computer desk. I yelled after him.

"Len Kagamine, you are an asshole!" Hearing him chuckle from down the hall, I rolled my eyes and mumbled under my breath, "Why the hell do I love you?"

**Gah. I don't think this is very good. It'll probably get updated fairly slowly. Definatly NOT a priority. Unless you guys want it to be? Iunno, go ahead and tell me in a reveiw~!**


	2. The First Entry

**So, I finally decided to upload this. What, I said it wasn't going to be a primary fic! Anyways, I hope you all enjoy~! Also, I've decided to do it like this: one chapter will be a blog post, the next Rin's life, then another blog post, etc, etc. Mkay~? Keep sending in those messages, though~!**

_Okay, first off, let's start with the replies, before I go on a little rant. By the way, if you want me to keep your message confidential, just let me know. I probably should have mentioned that sooner... Whatever._

_"Dear Ongaku-sama,_

_I feel lonely and unloved, and that everybody ignores me. How can I feel better other than eating sweets? Cause I hate sweets. I just don't want to feel alone. It's a horrible feeling._

_From,_

_OtakuGirl347"_

_Dear Otaku,_

_Well, as far as the feeling better without eating sweets thing, how about you try writing in a diary or something? Writing is a great way to vent! As for feeling alone, you shouldn't. I'm sure you have plenty of people who love you, as corny as that sounds. If it's any consolation, you seem like a lovely person to me! I bet we could be great friends; you should message me sometime!_

_From,_

_Ongaku-sama_

_"Dear Ongaku-sama,_

_I'm keeping a secret from a friend and it's driving making me sick. I just don't know how to tell her without her looking at me differently! You see, I'm seeing someone, and I don't think she'd approve. Actually, I don't think anyone would, but lying to my friend is way, way worse than lying to anyone else. Should I tell her? I want to, but I'd hate to ruin our friendship._

_From,_

_Confused Lover"_

_Dear Lover,_

_Well, if it were me, I would tell me friend and hope for the best. Friendships are based on trust, and besides, if she doesn't accept you for who you are, then she probably isn't a very good friend._

_From,_

_Ongaku-sama_

_"Dear Ongaku-baka,_

_What are you doing, trying to steal my job? I know you go to my school. I'm on to you, bitch._

_From,_

_Whisper-sama"_

_Dear Whisper-chama (I call you this because you're acting like a spoiled baby - but what else is new?),_

_At the risk of sounding rude, you can kiss my ass. At least I give semi-good advice, you tsundere skank. I'm not stealing your job, you just suck so bad at it that people are coming to me instead of you._

_From,_

_Ongaku-sama_

_"Dear Ongaku-sama_

_Why the Community can't accept Incest, Yuri, and Yaoi? T.T_

_Incest, Yuri, and Yaoi is sexy right?_

_From Azer Yamato"_

_Dear Azer,_

_I don't know why the Community can't accept Yaoi and Yuri. I mean, yaoi is damn sexy, and while as a straight chick I don't find yuri sexy, I certainly think it's fine. Incest is illegal, though. Not saying it isn't sexy, or anything, but... Still. They have some justification there._

_From,_

_Ongaku-sama_

_"Dear Ongaku-sama,_

_There's this girl I really like, but I don't want to tell her, because our love would be considered wrong. How can I show her I love her without telling her?_

_From,_

_Onii-chan"_

_Dear Onii-chan,_

_Well, if you REALLY don't want to tell her, then I guess you could leave a present on her doorstep or something. Something romantic like a rose, or maybe something you'd think she'd like? Good luck!_

_From,_

_Ongaku-sama_

_Okay, there are two messages that I'm keeping confidential for MY sake; however, I'm still replying to them._

_Dear Zombies,_

_Feelings? What feelings? Romantic feelings? He's my brother. Isn't that reason enough not to tell him?_

_From,_

_Ongaku-sama_

_Dear Indigo,_

_Thanks for the complement, but I think you need your head examined. I don't know what a vocaloid is, but I don't think there's any doujinshi about myself and my best friend (I'm assuming that's who you meant), and I KNOW there's none about myself and my brother. And, no, I'm not going to let my brother read it, and he's not going to confess to me, because he doesn't love me like that. I mean, what's the chances of us feeling the same way?_

_From,_

_Ongaku-sama  
><em>

_Okay, now that that's done, I have a little rant. YES, Zombies and Indigo, I'm talking about you here. I don't know how you two know who I am, or HOW you know about my unhealthy attraction to my brother, but cut it out. I'm not confessing to him. That would ruin everything. Think about it! He wouldn't feel the same way, and then I'd never get to hang out with him again! So quit sending me messages about it. On another note, I'm not as mean as my note to Whisper-bitch made me seem, but she's a jerk. Trust me._

_So, how did you all think I did at this? I think I did a pretty damn good job, if I do say so myself. I mean, shit, this isn't that hard. I wonder why a certain tsundere slut-bucket has such a hard time with it. Probably because she's an unfeeling ass that couldn't give advice to a schooldesk. Shit, I really do sound like a bitch, don't I? Also, I cursed a lot in this paragraph. Whatever, I'm not apologizing for it. I curse like a sailor, but that doesn't make me a bad person, right? Ah, hell. I should try to be nicer. Dammit. Okay, Whisper-chama, I'm sorry that your advice sucks so much. Yay! I feel like Mother Teresa._

_All jokes aside, though, I'm not a bad person. Certain people just piss me off. Hey, maybe I can use this thing as an online diary. People who know me are on this thing, but they don't know who I am! Eh, it's probably a bad idea. What do you guys think?_

_Okay, that's it. Until next time,_  
><em>Ongaku-sama<em>

**Maybe it shouldn't be in italics... Then again, it will help differenciate between blog chapters and non-blog chapters!**


End file.
